Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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