I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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