she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
