dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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