I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
