all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize