I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
