I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
