My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I woke up under a house in Key West
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
