i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
