i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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