the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
