Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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