The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
