you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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