I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
