I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
