god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
