he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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