Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
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Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
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Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
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