no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
