It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
