I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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