planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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