Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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