I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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