dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
