she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I need water and some morals
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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