I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
