please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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