dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
