On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
