For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
