Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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