I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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