i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This is classic penis vs brain.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
