At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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