Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
