hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
