the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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