Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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