dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
