this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
