Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
