I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
