ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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