You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
