see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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