How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize