mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
