Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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