I CAN MOONWALK!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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