whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i will never coherently bang her
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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