You're so nebulous sometimes
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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