Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
