You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
