Jerry, you need to find god
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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