My sheets look like a crime scene.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
