I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
