I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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