I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
