Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
