I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
