so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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