lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
