I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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