I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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