Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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