Barsexuality is the new black.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
