Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
