He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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