butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
