dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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