Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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