Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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