So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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