ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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